I had a wonderful personal revelation today while I was hiking in the snow (and mud) at Taos Valley Overlook. On the off chance that there’s a point in here somewhere, enjoy…
For years I’ve questioned what I did in getting us to move out here. Especially in times of fear, focusing on lack and want, I’d feel bad because I felt I’d done the “wrong” thing. This of course is nonsense, “what if” being idiot’s play, but I’d hate myself regardless. The self-judgment was a dangerous distraction with all kinds of evil consequences. There was also no way for me to cut it short. As an 80-year-old hippie’s even older Zen teacher told him once, “Your life is none of your goddamn business!” Things are better now. One evolves, but slowly, and even that depends on great awareness and desire.
Today, however, I felt a shift. Where I walked was like another country. So vast and beautiful, just earth and sky and mountains. New Mexico, good God!
As I crunched along the semi-frozen trail, the circumstances of my life appeared in a completely different light. For the first time, really, looking back, I felt like I’d accomplished something huge, and I was proud. Like this is my Big Thing. Certainly most recent, maybe not the last, and absolutely brilliant!
(The past events are just the same, of course, the meaning now quite different, yet I did nothing to effect this… Was there a point in here? You tell me. Just thought I’d pass that on.)
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.