love

Screaming and Crying

tire tracks in snow

You’d think the thing would go but you would be mistaken

"I fucked up! I can't stand it! I fucked up!" she yelled, sobbing and staggering through the snow. Yesterday was her turn, the day before was mine. At least she'd actually tried to do something, namely pull out of the driveway into the frozen bog we call a road. Right away she gave it too [...]

wife on sofa with cat

Laughing ’cause the cat wants the cheese

The engine screamed cleanly climbing out of the canyon at 5,000 rpm in 3rd. With the road to myself on a sunny cool day, I was taking the curves as fast as I could, windows wide open and the heater on full. Back in the motel in Albuquerque, she'd told me this wasn't a day [...]

My brother Bill around age four in Germany

Bill in Germany around age four, a long, long time ago

Oh yes, I watched that debate. As I tweeted to someone, "I've never seen anything like that in my entire life!" It's relevant to this post, but that comes later. This is all about my brother Bill. Someday I'll write the book about my family that will end all family histories—no one will even try [...]

Chamisa blossoms

I thought this was a metaphor but now it’s not

[Note: be sure to read the whole thing. This started as a rant. As I wrote, the anger drained away and something shifted. - JHF] It's easy to wake up at 4:00 a.m. and fumble for the pistol in your nightstand. (Flashlight, buckles, old eyeglasses clatter in the drawer.) Doom and hopelessness will do that [...]

Deprivation Row

Lobo Peak near Taos, NM

Lobo Peak from Llano Quemado

"John," she called out as I was heading for the door, "could I see you for a minute?" Coming from my eighth grade social studies teacher in Abilene, Texas when Buddy Holly walked the earth, this was no request, but I was fine. Ever the would-be teacher's pet—grateful for the only grownups who sometimes understood—I [...]

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